Post by Randy Hain   My wife and I recently had a conversation about a profound life lesson we both experienced in different ways over the years and how we wished we could go back in time and share it with our younger selves. Ironically, that same day I had an interesting discussion with two of my mentees who are both Gen Z professionals a few years out of college. These conversations and some deeper reflecting I did on other powerful lessons I have learned over the years became the basis for this post, which I am sharing in the form of a follow up email I sent to a group of Gen Z / early career professionals I mentor. You might consider this as an instructive exercise you can do to shape conversations with the Gen Z / early career professionals you know.

From the email message I shared with my mentee cohort…

I think you are all aware I have the good fortune to spend quality time with a number of early career professionals around the country, even if your paths have not yet crossed in person. It was great to catch up with most of you over the last few weeks and see how the year is going. I have been thinking a great deal about those conversations and how I can add additional value to you from my experience and career. This desire has shaped the message you are about to read.

I remember well my 20’s/early 30’s and all the successes and numerous struggles that came with this formative period of my life. I am truly grateful that I survived the battles and have the scars to prove it. The roller coaster of life and work has been interesting to be sure, but the journey has been incredible and I am grateful for the life I lead today.

I can’t share everything you will experience in the future because I don’t have a crystal ball. I encourage you to view a somewhat uncertain future as a gift that will offer you critical opportunities to learn and be shaped by going through what will often be difficult experiences. I am who I am today largely because of the invaluable and hard-fought life lessons in my life and the growth they forced me to experience. Adversity and struggle are amazing teachers!

Six Key Lessons

Here are six key lessons I have learned over the years that will hopefully give you encouragement and inspiration about how to thrive now and in the future:

  1. Our 20’s are a great lab experiment. By now, I hope you are beginning to figure out that each step of your career is a place to learn and grow…and prepare you for the career step that follows. It is OK to not be in your dream job right after college and you may not even be doing anything directly related to the degree you earned, which was certainly my case. Take on jobs that will train you, give you opportunities to prove yourself, offer ongoing mentorship, and expose you to new learning experiences. It is OK to struggle and experience setbacks in your 20’s…this is all part of the experiment phase you are in. Eventually, as was my case, your skills will emerge and be refined. You will figure out what you really enjoy doing and the work you are meant to do becomes clearer later in life. Work hard, observe, listen, reflect, cultivate helpful mentors and patiently wait for your opportunity to present itself…or consider taking the courageous step and creating your own opportunities.
  2. Enjoy the journey and get your priorities straight. I was single-minded about work for the first several years of my career and I wish I had spent more time early in my career investing time in building a larger supportive tribe of relationships inside and outside of work, traveling when possible, and savoring the journey. Hard work, dedication, grit and focus helped me accelerate my career, but I was a workaholic and had little time in my life for anything other than my job. It wasn’t until I met my wife in my late 20’s and we started our family that I began to understand there was so much more to life than just work. My true priorities became clear after my kids were born and I was no longer solely focused on work. I am so grateful I changed the trajectory of my life for the better and have never looked back. By the way, even though I prioritize faith, family, health and friendships ahead of work at this stage of my life, my work life is absolutely thriving.
  3. It is all integrated. When I was younger, I tried in vain to lead three separate lives. I was one person at work, one person with my family & friends and another person at church on Sunday. The effort to lead different lives is utterly exhausting and not sustainable. As I grew older, I recognized the profound wisdom of living an integrated life where I am consistently and authentically the same person at work and outside of work. Forming silos between your work and your personal life are emotionally draining and create barriers that restrain your authenticity, which is never a good thing. Just be you, wherever you are, with discernment and good judgment.
  4. Relationships are everything. Always be thinking about growing your network inside and outside of work. Build or join a tribe of friends who share your values, are worthy of your trust, who will challenge you and be candid with you. Build relationships at work with people you admire, who can teach you something and who will advocate for you when you are not in the room. Build relationships with people who will make useful introductions to their network and open doors for you now and in the future. Always be cultivating helpful mentors who can share wisdom, and guide you through the minefields at work and in life. This encouragement applies for introverts, extroverts and everyone in between. Do it at your pace and your way, but you absolutely have to do it. Life is hard, so don’t do it by yourself. Read this post of mine about building relationships on LinkedIn for helpful tips.
  5. Always be grateful. Be grateful for everything, all the time. The simple expression of thanks to the people in your life for every act of kindness done for you, feeling quietly grateful when you learn something important and expressing thanks to God at every opportunity will positively transform your life for the better. Want to be remembered for something and have one word associated with your name? Make that word grateful. “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  6. Learn that saying NO is a superpower. Right now, you may feel difficulty saying no to anyone or anything and that is understandable. You want to grow your career, you want to earn more money, you want better opportunities, etc. As you gain experience, you have to be discerning about where to say yes and where to say no. For something to thrive in your life, it may require tough choices and a firm no from you to things that are less essential. As you settle down, get married and the kids come along, the needs of your family will require even more careful discernment of your priorities. As someone who likes to be helpful and serve everyone, I have learned the hard way how to be careful about my time commitments because I realized years ago that I cannot share with others from an empty cup. I am crystal clear about my priorities and I work hard every day to honor them. I have learned, as I hope you will learn, that my respectfully and kindly saying no to some choices and demands on my time allows me to give more of myself to the areas where I say yes.

I am thrilled about the future awaiting each of you. You are all going to be wonderful leaders and make a positive difference in the world, and I could not be more excited. There are so many other topics I want to share with you, but I will let these six sink in for now. One thing I will add is that I strongly encourage you to not be hesitant about asking for help from more senior leaders around you. We have all been in your shoes, struggled plenty of times and have helpful experiences to share with you. If you respectfully ask for our time, demonstrate that you are taking this time seriously and follow up, I think you will find and endless supply of mentors ready to help you. I would also suggest there is much we can learn from you as I have always experienced in my years of mentoring early career professionals.

Thanks, good luck, and see you soon.

*If you are a senior leader reading this post, consider my newest book as an excellent way to facilitate helpful conversations with Gen Z / early career professionals in your company. Make an investment and give them copies to read and discuss with you over the course of the coming year. You will be glad you did!

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