By Randy Hain. “Always try to add meaningful value to every conversation and relationship. Make sure people feel that spending time with you is time well-spent.” –  Advice from my father when I was 21 and about to begin my first job after college

Many years ago when my dad first shared this advice with me, I was nervous, lacking confidence and a little intimidated. As a 21-year-old, how could I possibly add meaningful value for my new work colleagues? What did I have to offer? Why would older and more experienced professionals ever want to spend time with me? As I reflect on the countless conversations I have with college students and professionals of all ages about their challenges with building relationships, I often find a common theme connected to their struggle is low self-confidence and a lack of understanding on how to add meaningful value for others.

Why does this matter? I have spent decades practicing and refining my own approach to adding meaningful value for others. I would suggest that identifying and overcoming the challenges of adding value in our conversations and relationships is an essential life skill we should all try to master. The authentic and consistent practice of adding value can be a critical catalyst in fostering strong and sustainable business relationships, igniting tangible success in your personal and work life and accelerating long-term career growth.

Consider these three critical foundational actions to help you in adding value:

1. Show Courage. It is important to find the courage to more actively engage with those around you, even if you are lacking confidence in your ability to add value or contribute something meaningful to the conversation. Let the desired outcome of a meaningful and productive relationship be the motivator and catalyst to get out of your comfort zone. “You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.” – Brené Brown

2. Be Curious. It is difficult to add value if you do not understand a person’s needs or know much about them. Be genuinely curious. When you take on the mindset of a continuous learner seeking to grow, better understand and learn how you can help others, curiosity becomes less daunting and your ability to understand the needs of the person becomes clearer. Commit to making curiosity one of your superpowers.

3. Be a Good Listener. You’ve courageously engaged someone in conversation, and are asking good questions, but are you listening well? Listening well involves more than just waiting impatiently for your turn to speak and share your thoughts. Effective listeners are able to quickly pick up on ways they can add value based on what they hear. “The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.” – Henry David Thoreau

These three simple approaches, when practiced together, will almost always prepare you with a deeper understanding required to provide value for others. But you may ask, what are practical ways you can actually add this value? Are there proven approaches to get you started on this path? For your consideration…

Eight Best Practices to Help You More Confidently Add Meaningful Value

  1. Always Be Helpful and try to Serve Others. When you approach those around us with a servant’s heart and an authentic desire to be helpful, you are most of the way towards adding real value.
  2. Make Useful Connections. If you have followed the courage, curiosity, and listening approach I outlined, you will often hear about needs people have inside and outside of work. My willingness to make useful connections to other professionals in my network over the years has always been greatly appreciated. Job seekers in particular appreciate this assistance.
  3. Offer helpful advice. If you have listened well, you will likely learn about the other person’s challenges that you can offer helpful advice on based on your own personal experiences or observations. Sometimes asking permission to share this advice is a good approach, which will help them be more receptive.
  4. Share Helpful Content. Give the gift of a book or share an article that is relevant to an issue or area of interest for a colleague or client. I keep dozens of books in my car, some of my own and some of my favorites from other authors, to share with people I know as well as people I am meeting for the first time. As my mother always taught me, never show up without a gift!
  5. Be an Accountability Partner for Others. One of the most powerful things you can do for work colleagues and relationships in all areas of your life is to offer accountability. Consider offering, in a friendly and respectful way, to help a struggling work colleague or someone in your personal life by holding them accountable for positive changes they wish to make. Be their companion on what may be a difficult journey.
  6. Have an Abundance vs Scarcity Mindset. Leading with abundance thinking where we see ourselves as the fortunate stewards of gifts, talents and resources to freely share with others is a powerful catalyst for adding real value to our relationships. The abundance mindset never keeps score. Contrast that with an unhealthy “scarcity mindset” where fear that giving of ourselves will diminish us or take from our hard-earned resources. I will choose the abundance mindset every time and I encourage you to do the same.
  7. Bring the Sunshine. I highly prize people in my business and personal worlds who make me laugh. All of us can stand to be more lighthearted at times and your ability to bring joy and laughter to a relationship can be just the spark the other person needs to handle a difficult day or move past a tough moment. As an old friend once told me, each of us ‘brings the weather’ to every conversation and we can either bring the rain or sunshine. There is tremendous value in being able to bring the sunshine.
  8. Simply Be Kind. In today’s crazy world, a simple and random act of kindness might just make someone’s day. Strive to be more empathetic and understanding. If you can think of nothing else, be kind. If you think of 100 other exciting ways to add meaningful value, also add kindness to the list.

Think about taking small steps in the weeks and months ahead to practice courage, curiosity and listening to better understand the needs of those around you and employ some of the approaches to adding value I shared that have worked well for me over the years or implement your own ideas. What used to feel intimidating and overwhelming for me all those years ago has gradually transformed into a critical and foundational part of my approach to building the strong network of relationships and friendships I am grateful to have today. The joy I receive from these amazing connections has absolutely justified my efforts over the years. I hope the same for you.

Good luck.