By Randy Hain. “You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.” – Brene Brown

I often think about the vitally important virtue of courage (fortitude) and I will be vulnerable enough to share that it is not always easy for me. I am truly grateful for being raised by my parents to be self-reliant and they instilled a resilient mindset in me at a young age, with both of these characteristics being strong supporting pillars of courage. Looking back, I know my parents and caring mentors over the years were preparing me as best they could to lead a courageous life, not an easy and comfortable one that avoided difficulties. My personal life and career has had a fair share of adversity and struggle where choosing to show courage and taking ownership didn’t really feel like an option as my loved ones, friends and teammates were depending on me. My imperfect practice of courage has also consistently created opportunity over my career when I addressed issues head on, took risks, engaged in the hard conversations sooner rather than later and defended my values which often led to doors opening and more positive outcomes than if I had stayed in my comfortable silo and done nothing. I love and am grateful for this virtue, and always strive to get better at practicing it.

Over the last several years, I have observed how often not practicing the virtue of courage can inhibit the growth of business professionals at every age and stage of their careers. I would suggest the need for courage shows up most often in the following workplace situations:

  • Engaging in difficult, candid conversations with a colleague, boss, or client
  • Defending a colleague who has been treated poorly or unfairly
  • Being appropriately vulnerable, especially with colleagues at work
  • Being authentic and allowing people to see who we truly are at work
  • Defying “groupthink” in a meeting by offering a contrary point of view that we believe is right
  • Defending our values, even in the face of popular opinion to the contrary or in opposition to unethical or immoral decisions
  • Seeking mentorship, candid feedback, advocacy, or simply asking for help

Why Courage Can Be Difficult

There are likely many reasons why courage feels difficult in these situations, but I believe it often comes down to three core challenges: fear, low self-confidence, and lack of trust.

Fear. Fear can make courage difficult. We may worry that someone will reject our request for time or help. We may fear being judged for speaking up in support of our values. We may also worry about pushback or punishment from a leader, or criticism from a group, if we share a different or conflicting point of view. Fear is real, and it can hold us back if we do not learn how to manage it.

Low self-confidence. When we struggle with courage, the root cause is often connected to our confidence level. Perhaps we have not yet had enough experience to see the fruits of courage in our lives. Perhaps we have tried to be courageous before, and the outcome was not what we hoped. Or maybe we have listened to the wrong voices and influencers—especially online—who promote an impossible standard of perfection that no one can attain and that leaves us feeling inadequate. One way to build (or rebuild) confidence is to seek honest validation and assessment from trusted friends and colleagues who will offer candid feedback, help us grow our skills, and encourage us to keep practicing courage.

Lack of trust. Courage also depends on our willingness to trust in the goodwill and essential goodness of others. We want to (and should) assume the best in people, not the worst. We want to believe that courageous actions will be recognized—and, when appropriate, rewarded. We also want to trust that the workplace and broader society will honor courage rather than punish it. But when others have broken our trust, or when past experiences have taught us to be guarded, taking courageous action becomes much more difficult.

Seven Practical Tips for Promoting the Virtue of Courage

We all hopefully see the need for courage and have identified obstacles to our willingness to practice it, but how do we actually become more courageous? These action steps have helped me over my career as well as many other professionals I know to more readily embrace the virtue of courage:

  1. Re-Frame How We View Fear and Failure. We often view things that scare us through an overly negative filter and assume all the bad things that might happen if we try or try and fail. This fear, as indicated above, often inhibits our acts of courage and makes us overly cautious. Have we considered the price we pay for not trying? For failing to show courage? What if we instead focus on all the positive outcomes, instead of the negative, that are possible if we summon the courage to do the things we find difficult and scary? Instead of worrying about losing/struggling, focus on what happens if we win/succeed. This re-framing takes practice and I encourage all of us to look for opportunities every week to try it at least once.
  2. Be Clear About Our Values and Non-Negotiables. The courage to defend our values requires having absolute clarity about those values. They can’t be a squishy and ambiguous list of nice-sounding words that shifts based on the day and the people we are around. When we truly know and honor what we believe and are certain where we will not make moral compromises, the act of courageously defending those values becomes much easier. We will still possibly face resistance and criticism, but throughout history, everything that is worth defending has required conviction and courage.
  3. Utilize Daily Reflection. Let’s reflect each day, perhaps for a few minutes early in the morning, on how we showed up courageously in any area of our lives the previous day. How did we do? Any wins? Where did we fall short? If we fell short, how can we be better prepared going forward to improve? Also, let’s use this exercise to consider the opportunities today, tomorrow and in the days ahead to thoughtfully prepare ourselves to act with more courage.
  4. Seek Small Wins. To continue with our efforts around daily reflection, I encourage all of us to seek at least two wins a week in how we practice courage. How have we shown more courage with any of the seven bullet points I shared at the top of this post? Building up the virtue of courage is like building muscles in the gym and we need to consistently practice in order to see this virtue grow. The definition of virtue is the habitual disposition to choose and practice what is good. If we want courage to shift from a nice-sounding value to a true embedded virtue in our lives, we have to practice it!
  5. Get Help. Courage is often practiced individually, but that does not mean we have to face difficult moments alone. We can and should seek support and encouragement from trusted friends and colleagues when we need it. Sometimes simply role-playing a difficult conversation with another person can be immensely helpful. And for people of faith, as it is for me, leaning on God’s help and the power of prayer can be an indispensable support for any act of courage.
  6. Cultivate Independence. Acting with courage is often easier when we are growing in intellectual, emotional, and financial independence. As our careers develop, making progress in these areas can help us think more clearly, respond with greater confidence, and make decisions with less fear of outside pressure. I learned this from Dr. Jag Sheth and Andrew Sobel’s excellent book, Clients for Life, which helped me understand that true independence in these three areas can make us more objective and provide powerful fuel for courageous behavior.
  7. Use Discretion. Courage should be practiced with good judgment. Sometimes courage is spontaneous—a quick response to a situation or comment—and that can be appropriate. But in many cases, we have time to think carefully about how to act with courage, especially when we are preparing for a one-on-one conversation, an upcoming meeting, or reaching out to someone we do not know well. In some situations, a private conversation may be more effective than a public response that could embarrass the other person or weaken our message. Courage is strongest when it is joined with thoughtfulness and humility.

Courage will not always feel natural, and it will rarely feel comfortable in the moment. But if we want to grow as leaders, colleagues, friends, spouses, and parents, we must learn to choose courage more consistently. The daily decisions to speak honestly, ask for help, defend our values, take appropriate risks, and step out of our comfort zones are often the quiet and essential choices that shape our character and deepen our impact on others. My sincere hope is that each of us will keep practicing this beautiful and necessary virtue, one small, courageous choice at a time.

Call to action…

What is one courageous step you need to take this week? Maybe it is a difficult conversation, a request for feedback, a decision to defend your values, or simply asking someone you trust for help. I encourage you to name it, prepare for it, and then take that step. Courage only grows when we consistently practice it.